Sandi's Gay Quarters

Hugh Oxford, the man who thinks life gets worse for homosexuals as they get more rights, continues to perform a valuable service for Biased BBC: Spotting Pink Plots among the dense jungle of programme listings.

The News Quiz

A radio programme.

Sandi Toksvig chairs.

You can buy them at IKEA. In Denmark.

The panel includes Jeremy Hardy, Paul Sinha and Sue Perkins.

Might be worth a listen.

3/4 homosexuals.

Presumably they're each a quarter straight, then...

That's "diversity" for you.

Let's campaign for a quota: One gay for every nine straights? Or Don't Ask, Don't Tell?

Oh, wait…Perkins didn't actually appear. Replaced by two heterosexuals, Hugo Rifkind and Miles Jupp.

A close call, though, for the nation's well-being. Thank God for men like Hugh.

And Biased BBC.

Running On Emoty

David Milliband is getting it in the neck today, for being Jewish, but not the right kind of Jewish. Helpfully, B-BBC soothsayer Cassandra King shows hidden talents by getting inside Milliband's every thought.

Who knows: Perhaps Cassandra has ambitions as a psychological profiler... Biased BBC's Cracker. With an "s" on the end…

(Milliband) is in effect a modern construct,

Like The Gherkin. Only not so tall.

a champagne socialist upbringing

Hello? Childline? Man here feeding champagne to his kids….

with wealth and power around him from the start,

Yes, champagne. Think they're playing Monopoly, too.

he uses the emoty slogans of socialism

And listening to emo music. That's child abuse, right there.

as we would use toilet paper.

Now they're wiping their arses with the Labour Manifesto. How quickly can you get here?

Next time you see Milliband watch him closely,

No need. The NSPCC are on the case.

you see a not quite whole person, you will note the chip

Damn, forgotten the P.I.N.. Again.

and the emptyness of his mind,

You too? Tried disguising it as a phone number. But can't remember that, either.

hate him by all means as I do but also pity him too,

He'll appreciate that.

he is nothing he contains nothing, he is the essence of emptyness

You're confusing him with Simon Cowell.

and when peole like him find out that they are indeed empty inside nothing we could do or say could equal the punishment that brings

Plus listening to bad versions of Hallelujah. That's hell on earth.

Lucky Lonely Goatherds

One question has taxed the world's romantic philosophers since it was first posed by the great Jimmy Ruffin: What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted?

That poignant brain-teaser might just have been solved by Biased BBC's leading social commentator, Martin. Tracking back for a few months, it is clear that he thinks that broken-hearted goatherds in rural Pakistan stand a way-above-average chance of copping off with someone new:

August 27th: Anyone else notice on the Beeboid 6PM news that boys were absent in any of the shots of "happy students" passing their GCSE's?

The beeboids did manage to give us a lingering shot of some Muslim females of course. Wow all those qualifications just to be married off to an inbred retard of a Goat herder in Pakistan.

August 28th: Why would the BBC bother to point out the growing Muslim problem? Beeboids love Muslims, especially the mad ones with the big bushy beards. And don't forget Islam according to the BBC is liberating for women.

More 14 year old girls to be sent off to Pakistan to be raped and married off to some thick Goat Herder.

October 26th: I wonder how many 14 year old Muslim girls are sent off to Pakistan each year to be raped and married to an inbred goat herder? Shami (Chakrabarti) never seems to be bothered about that.

August 28th: i once texted Radio 5 and gave an anti Muslim view. Needless to say the BBc didn't read my text out nor did they ring me back to see if I'd like to go to air.

You amaze us.

Leathering Shami

Biased BBC is, of course, a beacon of tolerance and understanding, but it has its limits. And those limits often include the words Shami and Chakrabarti.

The elfin director of the civil rights organisation Liberty has upset B-BBC yet again, by campaigning to tighten the law on slavery in the UK. Soothsayer Cassandra King, still reeling from the many injustices done to Nick Griffin lately, speaks out:

Domestic slavery brought from the Indian sub continent and Arabia, indentured servitude, a thing outlawed in the UK for years just happens to make a comeback

I think we're all shocked.

at the very time of unlimited third world immigration

It's not actually unlimited, but….

and these people fail to recognise their key role and guilt?

Which people? Let me at them.

People like Chakrabati are the real enemies

Standing up for people's rights breeds slavery and intolerance?

...the real enemies of tolerence….

I think we're all against intolerance.

...parasitic agitators like her making millions out of her poison...

Good Lord. They pay better in the charitable sector than I'd thought. Perhaps we should confiscate Shami's fleet of Bentleys?

...bleeding a system that we all pay for and wouldnt have a hope in hell of getting anywhere near.

Damn right. Clarifying people's rights never helps anyone. Least of all decent, upstanding citizens.

Tell me which political parties are promising to strip these parasites of their power and influence?

Could this plea to improve tolerance by being intolerant of tolerance be anything to do with your recently-announced plan to join the BNP?

I'm No Racist But Where Do I Send The Cash?

Travis Bickle, Biased BBC's answer to Robert de Niro, sees the way forward after Question Time: Give lots of money to a racist party which you claim not to support...

for some reason the BNP are not accepting any new memberships on their website,

Must be all the black and Asian people who Cassandra predicted would join up..

so I couldn't join as a protest to last nights show trial.

I think we all feel that way.

I wonder if that has anything to do with last night.

Only reaction one could have: I must join that man and his lovely party.

Never mind, I just made a substantial donation to them instead.

Remember to mark it KKK Friendship Fund.

Not because I support the BNP,

Exactly.

but because I oppose all who are trying to silence them.

Wait up: He wasn't silenced. He was challenged. Is that the same thing?

My enemy's enemy is my friend and all that.

Which of the BNP's many enemies might you possibly mean? Jews? Gays? Black Britons? Poles? Primary School Biology Teachers?

Update: The ever-reliable Cassandra is signing up with Griffin's Heroes, too.

As soon as the BNP opens up its membership to all British people I am joining AND making a donation. Why am I doing this? The thought of our nation lowered to the level of the gutter with a whole mass media and political establishment using the tricks of the nazis and the brownshirts breaks my heart, from now on everyone should know what side I am on.

Thanks for the steer. We'd never have guessed. By the way, didn't you have an Israeli flag alongside your name on B-BBC until recently? How does the Holocaust-denial bit work for you?

Teddy Bear's Nitpick

It's not just the security guards at TV Centre who have been having problems with Nick Griffin's invitation onto Question Time. Biased BBC finds itself in a bind, too.

How does the BNP appearance fit with the B-BBC worldview that al-Beeb is controlled by gay Muslim Commies?

Here's their best stab at it, from Teddy Bear, who also runs the Biased-BBC Forum, a strange parallel world of bias-hunting, which is as dull and pedantic as Biased BBC is angry and paranoid dignified and coolly analytical:

I have been wondering recently why the BBC invited the BNP leader, Nick Griffin, to appear on Question Time this evening.

Can't be that he's now an MEP. That would be too obvious.

They had no obligation to do so, an despite appeals from concerned people and politicians to reconsider, they have decided to push ahead.

How dare the BBC defy Peter Hain, Alan Johnson and, ahem, Ken Livingstone? (Are you sure, Teddy? Biased BBC usually hates them.)

It occurs to me that besides the fact that the BBC have certainly boosted publicity for themselves, since most of the news media and bloggers are following the story, but I believe they have another motive.

BBC Worldwide franchise on Nick Griffin action figures?

They continually refer to the BNP as 'Right Wing' even though that itself is a bone of contention, and was questioned recently by Daniel Hannan at the Telegraph.

Oh, yes, Hannan: The man who says the NHS was a terrible mistake.

With this in mind, I see that the BBC accomplish 2 further 'goals' - one, that they can flout themselves as 'impartial and unbiased'...

If they behave in an impartial and unbiased way, we get to accuse them of flouting it. Outstanding! (BTW: Don't you mean flaunt?)

…and two, that by putting the focus of this extreme racist group as 'right wing', they emphasize how 'normal and justified' is their recognized institutional left wing viewpoint.

Next week they'll have David Icke on to just to show us how their Space-Lizard theories are less rubbish than his.

I would bet that in the weeks to come following the QT debate, you will hear the mealy mouthed, holier than thou justification rolling out from the BBC.

Or possibly they'll just run some more Question Times with fewer racists on them.

In my mind, it makes them more sordid and sullied than they already are.

Let's recap: Biased BBC (and Biased-BBC Forum) assert, loud and long, that the Beeb is in bed with New Labour, sucks up to Muslims and fails to give enough airtime to growing parties of the right like Ukip and the BNP. Then the BBC pisses off many Muslims, defies Labour icons like Hain and Red Ken and gives Griffin his biggest broadcast stage yet.

And that makes the BBC more sordid and sullied than they already are...

The BNP's Next Recruits: Non-Native Patriots.

Biased BBC has warmly welcomed the intervention of the retired military chaps who wrote to today's Times, objecting to the BNP "hi-jacking the good name of the British military".

Or perhaps not.

Soothsayer and multicutural expert Cassandra King leads the charge:

The grubby smears against the BNP will backfire hugely against the peddlers of this gross smear.

Have you used the word smear often enough? Perhaps we could call the Generals smeary peddlers?

Lets get something straight here, whatever their faults the BNP are loyal and proud British people

(Tear silently falls)

and when the membership list opens to all races then that list will expand hugely.

I think we all look forward to the colourful multicultural carnival at next year's Red, White & Blue Festival. Will Nick Griffin and his chums explore the hip-hop workshop first, or take the kids down to the Bollywood Dance Class?

Racism is fact highly subjective,

Some of my best friends are highly subjective.

its true meaning lost in an unthinking blizzard of political spite,

I remembered to bring my snow-goggles. The BNP still look racist, I'm afraid.

BTW untill all forms of racism is openly talked about in a free atmosphere the BNPs support base will grow.

Of course! People only flock to the BNP because no-one ever mentions that other people can be prejudiced.

My assertion that non native patriots will be joining the BNP is only a hunch,

What about native patriots with slightly darker skins?

I could well be wrong but maybe time will tell on that score.

While we wait, I'm putting a tenner against at Ladbroke's. Just for fun.

What is racism and what is acceptable racism and what is not acceptable racism, who has a rright to be racist and who doesnt?

Ppolitical pparties ttrying to rrepresent the BBritish ppeople pprobably shouldn't be rracist. What do you think, CCassie?

These questions are valid and untill some effort is made to address them I feel we will stay in a rut of our own making.

You'll be voting BNP in Rutland then?

Feminine Protection. With Wingnuts.

Even if The BBC started taking its bulletins straight from Fox News and its opinions from the Israeli Embassy, there would still be unfinished Biased BBC business. Something Must Be Done about Feminazis.

They have their own show - Woman's Hour - on Radio 4, and it's proof of a veritable constellation of bias all over the broadcasting spectrum. Apparently.

B-BBC Iron Man David Vance set the balls rolling:

By the way, why is there not a "Men's Hour"?

Good question. Here's the manly Robert de Niro tribute act Travis Bickle. He's bound to know:

Why would we need a Men's hour?

Because men get such a raw deal everywhere. Surely?

The whole point of woman's hour is that it keeps a bunch of po-faced, middle class, menopausal bints distracted while their husbands 'take the dog for a walk'.

Here, boy! Walkies!

Taking the dog for a walk being a euphimism for 'banging a prozzie.'

Oh. Does Rover get to watch?

Men's hour courtesy of the limp wristed elite that run the BBC would be all about...

Fast cars and big noisy machines? Football? Action movies?

Wimmin's issues! And how us men can fawn, scrape and ingratiate ourselves further too them.

How is Mrs Bickle?

Legendary social commentator Martin has his doubts, too:

As for a mens hour, god could you imagine what it would be like?

Top Gear?

camp left wing nonces talking about how their heels kill them and are leather trousers OK for cycling.

Sounds right up your street, Marty. Perhaps we could get some rent boys to present it, seeing as you're so obsessed with them?

No thanks

Oh, look, there's Jo Brand on Radio Five. Let's see how well the new civilised Biased BBC is working: What do you reckon to Jo, Martin?

a fat ugly wart faced smelly white barking mad old lesbian.

Every insult a freshly-minted one. Time to Walk The Dog.

Why The Long Face, Horseface?

One of the many fine qualities of Biased BBC is that it sometimes notices that the BBC does other bad stuff besides employing journalists who hate America, support the Taliban and lie to keep Gordon Brown in office.

The Beeb also produces comedy shows starring frightful left-wingers who hate America, support the Taliban and try to keep Gordon Brown in office. Where are the right-wing comedians who should be given equal air-time?

Step forward Biased BBC longtime jester Jack Bauer. Jack is an acquired taste, so we've asked our Comedy Research Unit to explain just how Mr Bauer nails his targets.

Yesterday, Biased BBC was in uproar over Woman's Hour promising an item on Margaret Beckett MP, whose "career has been long and illustrious". Jack cocks his comedy shotgun and gives feminazi Beckett both hilarious barrels.

Be fair David. Don't you remember her unexpected win in the 1967 Grand National as a 100/1 longshot?

Translation: Margaret Beckett looks like a horse.

Well, she was called Foinavon back then, so you are excused.

Margaret Beckett looks like a real horse, which was called Foinavon.

And she still likes eating carrots from your hand as you stroke her nose.

Margaret Beckett eats like a horse. And you can stroke her nose.

Jack knows you should always leave 'em wanting more, so he backs off at this point to leave us helpless with grateful laughter.

It's been a little while since The BBC got shut of Russell Brand. Could this be the right moment to hand his comedy crown to Jokin' Jack?

You Talkin' To Me, Mohammed?

Perhaps the most admirable thing about the Biased BBC faithful is their sheer bloody determination to see another shitty day through, despite the agony of existence in Gor-doom Brown's ZanuLiebour hell-hole.

Just reading their State Of The Nation pronouncements has been known to send well-adjusted Lottery winners off to the Dignitas clinic.

Today we pay tribute to two champions of the Hell-in-a-turbocharged-handcart genre, prophetess Cassandra King and Robert de Niro wannabe Travis Bickle:

Cassandra King writes: White native British Christians now live in apartheid state where we enjoy less freedoms and rights than the foreign islamists who wish to destroy us.

I was just thinking that, standing at the Whites-Only bus stop. How I miss sitting in the nice seats. And living with my family. But Master Abjoul he done be very kind to me.

The enemy walks among us right here in the UK, they feed off our social systems, they sponge off our generosity and take advantage of our laws while they plot and scheme against us.

Never fear. The rest of Biased BBC wants to bomb Bradford...

The islamist enemy is helped and encouraged by the government while they spread their hatred and poison against us,

The Ministry of Caliphate Advancement was a mistake. Even Mandelson accepts that.

we live in a truly perverted and warped time!

Under-selling it a bit, but otherwise excellent, Cassandra. What do you reckon, Travis Bickle?

Cassandra, I agree totally but I don't think muslims have realised how 'infected' they are becoming by the indigenous Brit.

Wow. This is original.

The sheer idleness, indifference, selfishness and gluttony of the British is something that most muslims adopt wholesale, as it is in perfect parallel with their own religion.

See, we can all get along just fine. In our slothful ways.

When the time finally comes for them all to rise up and vanquish the infidel in the name of Allah, so absorbed will they be by the British attitudes, you will see hundreds of thousands of them throwing mass sickeys, or staying in to watch the finals of Big Brother or just generally making excuses about how they'd love to attend the uprising but they've got to get up early in the morning and besides there's never anywhere to park in these uprisings and it would mean them having to go all the way round the M25 to get there.

That's the most reassuring thing I've read all day. You talkin' to me, Mohammed?